Girl, Where Have You Been?
Whew. What a year.
I know, I know—I dropped this blog and then completely ghosted. I wish I had a formal, polished reason for my very public disappearance, but the truth is: I needed to heal.
2024 was incredibly hard. In the midst of navigating the painful and profound loss of my father, I thought it would be the perfect time to create something new.
Spoiler alert: it was not.
Looking back, it’s clear I have some deep-rooted avoidant tendencies. When things get hard, I throw myself into work to escape the very real—and sometimes scary—emotions I don’t want to feel. But I don’t regret stepping away to focus on healing. Over the past year, I’ve learned so much about myself, my relationships, and the many layers of grief.
I had to dig deep to understand why I felt so blocked—creatively, emotionally, mentally. Why did I feel the need to pause? Why did I have this looming writer’s block? One of the biggest shifts for me was learning to decenter my value in the world.
Because we experience life through our own lens, it’s easy to assume that everything is about us. Last year, I found myself constantly triggered, taking things personally that had nothing to do with me. I had to step back and remember: the world doesn’t revolve around me. Everyone has their own families, their own struggles, their own pain. And I can’t truly support or uplift others if I’m operating from a place of emptiness or darkness.
One of my deepest triggers has always been feeling like my worth is tied to what I can do for others. So, I pushed myself toward perfection—striving to be the best in all areas, even when it hurt. I told myself things like:
Work harder. Be a better friend. Go to that event—even if you’re tired, sick, or barely holding it together. Buy the gift—even if you're behind on bills.
And when I didn’t do those things? When I skipped the event, took a break, or canceled plans? I felt immense guilt. I convinced myself people saw me as a bad friend, a bad leader, a bad person.
But here’s the truth:
I created those expectations for myself.
I built that trap, and then resented having to live in it. It wasn’t fair to the people around me—but most of all, it wasn’t fair to me.
And honestly? I’m still working through it. I still feel grief when I take a day for myself. I still sometimes feel guilty when I’m resting, laughing, having fun. On some days, relaxing feels more exhausting than just pushing through. But I’m learning to let go of those unreasonable standards. To remind myself that:
✨ I don’t have to be perfect.
✨ I’m allowed to just be.
✨ Life is hard enough—I don’t need to make it harder.
And amidst all of the emotional chaos, there have been beautiful moments too. My relationship grew in ways I never imagined. I made new friends, let go of others. I had adventures. I supported so many women and families through my work with EmpowHERment. I became a better listener. I’m still growing, still healing—but now, my perception of that journey has changed.
It might sound cheesy, but every day really is a gift. Each one brings new fires to put out, yes—but also more love, more laughter, more peace, more wisdom. And that unpredictability? That’s the fun of it all. Learning to roll with what life brings, and still choosing to show up.
Recently, I injured my shoulder—a karmic reminder from the universe, if you ask me. A lesson to stop pushing out of resentment and start accepting help. This past week has been interesting, to say the least. But for the first time in what feels like forever, I gave myself one full day of rest. No guilt. No overthinking. Just rest.
Today, I feel calmer. Inspired. Grateful. Still sore—but grounded.
I’m using this time to write, to wrap up loose ends, to get my life together, but without the usual pressure. I’m not rushing. There’s no fire. No deadline that justifies self-neglect.
And I’ll admit, it’s been really nice to receive support for a change. To just be. That’s something I’ve prayed for, and I think—ironically—the universe is finally giving it to me.
I don’t have all the answers. I still have a long road ahead. But I’m here now. I’m present. And I plan to stay present for as long as I can.
If you’ve stuck around and checked in—thank you. Your patience means the world to me. I promise the next update won’t take nearly as long.
With love,
Poe
